Deafening Silence

Feeling trapped in my own home. Stressed, tense, anger, fear, worry all running through my viens. The state of uneasiness keeps my thoughts on edge. At times resembling my childhood nightmares and it makes me fear the worst. Maybe i've become paranoid or my fear has taken hold of me, but i've been through too much to not worry about history repeating itself. The lack of communication and silence is deafening and all i want to do is yell out from the top of my lungs. I'm feeling scared, like a little boy sitting alone while the voices grow. The slightest increase in volume makes my hair stand up and freezes me still as i'm listening for the smallest incident to occur that might lead to disaster. All I can do is wait and keep silent till my mind reaches the bliss of sleep.

Mind Overload

My mind tends to wander and thoughts become "what ifs" and then becomes hope. I have a habit of hanging on to the smallest lingering hope. Even if from an outsiders's view, it would absolutely never happen. How to rid of this hope? I have no idea. It causes my mind to linger on of the possibilities. Maybe it's cause I want it to happen, but I feel I should move on. Time might help or hopefully someone will eventually give me a push and knock some sense into my head.

Responsibility has never been a big part of my vocabulary. I never liked dealing with it and have a tendency to shrug things off. Oddly responsibility has become a big part of my life. Gradually it has increased and at times I feel like the world is on my shoulders. I understand my responsibilities and that I should take them on, but it aggravates me when others don't realize their own. We are adults here and are old enough! Some people are just selfish and ignore what's in front of them. It's forced me to adjust my lifestyle and to hold back my aspirations. Until some people realize how their actions are affecting others, I guess I'll have to put my own plans on the backburner. But I'm beginning to understand my role at this point of my life. I just hope I don't miss out on opportunities that might come about.


Lifehouse - My Everything
One of my all time favorites. Slow and soothing. First heard on Smallville, and makes me want to be Clark Kent, lol.

Too tired to post...

Spent over an hour going through blog titles to find one that is available and now I'm too tired to post, lol.


Melissa Schuman - Always
Song came on while watching "Love Don't Cost a Thing" on TV, new music is always appreciated. Slow and romantic jam. Doesn't necessarily relate to anything, just easy listening.

Visual Inspirations